Cry
by IlovemyDeanBean
Summary: *character death* I don't ever want to hurt again...Abby reaches rock bottom before she decides to get rid of Carter
1. Cry

"I figured there'd be few tears" he wrote,wincing as the empty glass   
he'd set beside him fell to the floor,"Who's left to mourn me?"  
  
Luka ran a hand through his hair, cursing his now heavy, labored  
breathing.   
  
"I've been in pain so long, it's hard to tell when I should smile, or when   
I should cry"  
  
He didn't curse when his elbow knocked the empty pill bottle to the  
floor, knocked the pictures onto the floor. The pictures he usually   
jumped and grabbed before the memories could touch the floor.  
  
"I've come to hate the way life just goes on, without a mention  
of the past. Ignoring the roots I've laid,no matter where they  
were, no matter how shallow."  
  
The memory stuck out like a bad taste in his mouth. Holding her hand,  
"I'm happy for you" he managed to squeeze out.  
  
Carter watched over her shoulder. Her new protector.  
  
"Really, Luka?"  
  
He nodded slowly."You deserve this"  
  
He didn't lie, Luka wrote now, a slow haze crawling over his eyelids.  
He was happy for her. There was just that hunger, and confusion in  
her eyes that scared him.  
  
"Think about it now. Just take some time to think about all my sacrifice,  
the things I did for you"  
  
The words fell sloppily on the paper, the inside of his hand crawling  
with cold. Luka shrugged off the growing fear deep inside, and kept  
writing.  
  
He blinked, trying to lift the haze, waiting to finish his letter.  
  
"I saw it there. Your confusion. I never meant to hurt you. I never  
meant to leave Croatia. I wasn't supposed to leave the rubbage where I  
left my family to die"  
  
He was too tired to cry, but he felt the pressure deep in his chest, the  
lump in his throat.  
  
"I gave up so to find you"  
  
Luka dropped his pen, sobbing with whatever energy he had left.  
  
"I lost so much instead" Luka muttered, over and over, curling up on  
the couch."I lost so much"  
  
He closed his eyes, and gave one last sigh.  
************************  
So tired, tired of this drama   
No more, no more   
I wanna be free   
I'm so tired, so tired   
  
Broken heart again   
Another lesson learned   
Better know your friends   
Or else you will get burned   
Gotta count on me   
Cause I can guarantee   
That I'll be fine   
***********************  
She sat on the couch, hands in her hair.  
  
Photos lay on the floor, the glass that had held the last of his  
run, smashed on the floor.  
  
She saw where he'd pushed away the chair, the vase he'd pushed over as   
he stumbled to the couch.  
  
Pages were everywhere. Just trains of thought that made her blood  
run cold.  
  
"Hey Abby?" Carter leaned against the doorway,"Almost ready?"  
  
She looked up from the page in her hand."I gave up so much to find  
you" it read, his handwriting large and slobby. Almost childlike.  
  
"Abby?"  
  
"No" she winced at the sound of her pained voice."No, I want..I have  
to stay here"  
  
He shook his head,"I don't think Luka cares, Abby"  
  
"You can go" quick tears raced down her cheeks,"It's been nice Carter"  
she crawled off the couch, heart racing as she tried to see through  
her own haze,walking towards the door.  
  
"You don't mean it. You're just all worked up over this" he  
waved his hand.  
  
She shook her head,"Go"  
  
Carter turned around, walking down the long hall way, not looking  
back.  
  
"Just take time to think about my sacrifice, the things I did for  
you"  
  
Abby pulled his large coat over her shoulders, curling back into the couch  
that still smelled like him.  
  
All she could do, her eyes squeezed tight, was cry.  
**********  
  
What a player, fool   
Go through ups and downs   
Nowhere and all the time   
You wouldn't be around   
Or maybe I like the stress   
Cause I was young and restless   
But that was a long ago   
I don't wanna cry no more 


	2. Smile

It's just those rainy days  
Spend a lifetime tryin to wash away  
Until the sun come out and shines again  
Smile for me, smile for me  
****************  
  
If they spoke, they lowered their voice around her. Carter turned  
his back to her. Like he'd never told her he was in love with her.  
  
Each day took time. Took strength to get up, and out of bed in  
the morning.  
  
She'd gone through all his belongings, finally seeing everything  
she'd never known about him.  
  
Their relationship was so complicated. It took so much to be away  
from each other. If they weren't together, they were whole different  
people.  
  
Abby shrugged her coat off, laying it over the chair she pulled  
beside her in the lounge.  
  
"Abby?"  
  
She turned slowly, already clinching her fists at her side.  
  
"I didn't think you'd be back at work so soon" Gallant finished,  
shifting his akward glance away, looking at the floor sadly.  
  
  
"Had to keep busy" she answered.No one wanting to talk to her,  
left her all sorts of time to think,dissect all the things she'd  
done wrong before, with him.  
  
He hadn't put her name on the letter, but she knew he'd written  
it for her. It was something she just felt all down her veins.  
  
Gallant nodded, closing his locker."I'm sorry. I mean, I know   
Dr.Kovac was a good guy. He seemed to really like you"  
  
Tears sprung to her eyes,making Abby duck into her locker.  
  
"I didn't mean to say anything,I'm so sorry" he stood behind her  
his voice soft and slightly quiet. He looked anxious, and uncomfortable.  
"I thought maybe it's what you wanted to hear"  
*************  
We were always livin so crazy and sexy and cool  
And we began to love it (began to love it)  
Watchin all of the heartache and pain of the world  
And thinkin nothin of it (thinkin nothin of it)  
And baby I got love for you   
And I know that you got me, baby  
But everytime the sun shines bright  
It gets so cloudy  
***************  
Kerry brushed past them, raising a confused eyebrow.  
  
Out of the corner of her eye, Abby spotted the box, her heart  
leaping in her chest."Are you going to empty his locker?"  
  
Kerry nodded."You look like you need some rest. Why don't you  
take the rest of the day off?"  
  
Gallant turned away, ignoring Abby's eyes, turning away  
from the woman's wild hair, the dark circles under her  
eyes.  
  
"Let me" Abby took the box from her boss'es hands.  
  
Kerry nodded, signaling Gallant to follow him.  
  
She slid the name off the door. It seemed quickest to just throw  
everything into the box, trying to keep from crying.  
  
But he'd stuck a picture into the side of the door. Something   
he'd use to make himself smile, no matter how much it pulled  
at his heart, because he had lost her.  
  
She remebered. The picture fell into her hand. Abby closed her  
eyes.  
  
"You're smiling"  
  
"So?"  
  
"It's been a long time since I've seen you smile. I forgot how  
beautiful you are"  
  
He'd kept a picture of her he'd taken after they'd spent a day  
together. Where everything he said made her smile. The day he'd  
bought her everything she pointed at.  
  
Abby dropped the box to the floor, sinking down to her knees. The first  
laugh stung. The second laugh made her heart leap. She cried between  
her laughed.  
  
But in her hands, she was smiling.  
**********  
I feel like an angel  
With my broken wings  
So I can soar again  
Lord let me in  
Baby through all the passion the pain and the hurt  
I feel like I'm fallin, yeah 


End file.
